(Or, Pest Control While Baby is Sleeping and Unable* to Get Raid**)
Ant! On bed!
Killed ant with t-shirt.
Checked shirt a while later, dead ant missing. Did ant come back to life? Wait — there it is! Killed ant again.
What? Is that? What the? That’s an ant. It’s moving. Ew, it’s getting closer. Checked for dead ant, ant missing again! Is same ant? Die undead ant, die! Die!
Theory 1: zombies
Theory 2: ant carcass-retrieving cannibals
Theory 3: I don’t care, just GET THESE MOTHER-EFFING ANTS OFF THIS MOTHER-EFFING BED
*Me, not the baby. Though she could pitch in once in a while.
**I don’t use Raid. Replace with Non-Toxic Natural Eco-Friendly Earth-Hugging Vinegar-Based Solution